How do you get to...?

Great turnout at the Epsom Public Library at recent event. We spoke of how Yankees give directions: “Take a right at the yellow barn that was torn down,” or “Turn left about a quarter-mile before you get to the church in the village,”  or “Once you’ve passed the old Johnson place you’ve gone too far.”  

 Or, 

“Where’s this road go?”  

“Don’t go nowhere, just sits there.”

“Can I take this bridge to Claremont?”

“You could but I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Do you know how to get to Piermont?”

“Yup.”

One time I was given directions to a town in the North Country I’ll call “Woodford.” My guide said, “If you go by the church, whatever you do don’t go over the one-lane bridge. But if you do go over the one-lane bridge, whatever you do, don’t take the dirt road on the right that goes out into the piney woods. But if you do take the dirt road out into the piney woods and you get to the place where there’s swamp on both sides, be sure to toot so they’ll know not to shoot you.”

I’ve told this true story many times. A man said, “Becky Rule, you tell the truth. My brother-in-law was a selectman in that town and he told me about those folks who live at the end of that dirt road.”

I said, “Did he ever go over the bridge, take the right into the piney woods all the way to the place where there’s swamp on both sides.”

“No,” the man said.  “They would have shot him.”

Got any stories about getting or giving directions? Write them in the comment section below or shoot me an e-mail, [email protected].

It’s a genre unto itself.  

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and didn’t get lost either coming or going.