Just Ask Ida

Butt Dialin'

I got a couple of messages on my phone the other day from my niece Caitlin. By phone, I mean my smart phone, which is an iPhone, not an Android. Caitlin didn’t say nothin’, but I could tell it was her ‘cause of the caller ID. Well technically, it’s not really caller ID like we have on our home phone. See, Caitlin is in the contacts list on my cell (which syncs up to my laptop and iPad), so her name came up on the voicemail. (I know, this all must sound out there to those of you still goin’ old school, but bear with me here, OK?)

Thing is, Caitlin didn’t leave a message. It was just weird sounds. Every once in awhile, I thought I heard her talkin’, but I could make out other voices, too. Oh my God, I’m thinkin’, is Caitlin in some sort of trouble? Has she been kidnapped by drug runners or white slavers, and is tryin’ to let me know she’s needs help without tippin’ off the bad guys? Like on NCIS or something? Is my phone like a modern day Lassie, tellin’ me that Timmy’s fallen down the well? (Geez, I’m thinking, I watch way too much TV!)

I was goin’ to call Caitlin back, but then I realized she was probably at work down to the health food store. So, I texted her.

                   Got a couple of weird messages from you. Are

                   you OK? smiley face emoticon

    Must have butt dialed you. little alien face with

    hands up doing “The Scream” I’m hand making

    OK symbol At work, kind of slow. sleepy face

                     Phew! Beautiful day out. sun, smiley face

                     with sunglasses Slow at A&P, too. sleepy face

    Adam says hi photo of Adam waving

(Adam is Caitlin’s boyfriend. He works down to Mahoosuc Health Food, too.)

                       Hi, Adam. smiley face with heart eyes

   Got a piece into that art show!!! smiley face, party hat, monkey

(I was confused about the monkey.)

                       So proud of you! three clapping hands

    Selfie of Caitlin giving two thumbs up

                       You need to celebrate. chocolate bar, cocktail,

                       piece of cake, ice cream cone

    Didn’t mean to send the monkey! cat doing “The Scream”

                        No emoticon for tofu. sad face

(Caitlin is a vegetarian.)

    Very funny! smiling devil

                         Monkey was confusing, but cute. banana,

                         monkey, banana

      Kooky Carol just walked in. crazy face Got to go. sad face

                         Love you! heart

      three hearts

And that’s life in the fast lane, folks. A nice little moment of connection all because my niece butt dialed me. If I’d called, she wouldn’t have been able to talk, but this textin’ thing is stealthier, and sometimes more fun once you wrap her head around it. And I love those little emoticons: right up my alley!

It’s pretty amazin’, if you really stop and think about it. I’m holdin’ this tiny computer in my hand. We’re talkin’ and sendin’ pictures, stayin’ connected and makin’ each other laugh. Reminds me of the “The Jetsons.” Remember that cartoon? Technology gets a bad rap sometimes, but if you open yourself up to it, it can really expand your possibilities. ‘Course it helps to have some younger folks in your life who can be your on-call IT specialists. ‘Cause honey, without ‘em…. alien doing “The Scream” !!!

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA'S PODCAST: Butt Dialin'

 

Coming Up This Summer

August 13 & 14: The View From He’ah On Stage, ACT ONE Summer Festival, Thursday at 2:00pm and Friday at 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH

August 15: Finding Your Inner Moose Book Reading, Newport Cultural Center, 11:00am, Newport, ME

Gratitude, Kittens and Food Porn or What I Like About Facebook

Facebook. I have friends who say it’s totally a waste of time. Me? I like it. Let me say up front, I avoid anything political on Facebook. That would defeat the point for me. You go that route, and before you know it, you’re either all wound up or down in the dumps about something. That, in my opinion, is a waste of time.

Facebook helps me keep up with my nieces and nephews. God, they seem to have a good time! Funny thing is, whether they’re in college or on summer vacation, the photos look remarkably the same. They are livin’ the good life, that’s for sure.

There’s a lot of gratitude on Facebook. You know, people who post about the five things they’re grateful for that day. I never read the five things. Frankly, I don’t care what they are. But I do care about the fact that these folks are grateful. That makes me happy, and reminds me to be grateful, too.

Then there’s the endless stream of cute pet stuff. (Have to admit I’m an offender here. But, who could resist Scamp?) And yes, I did just spent two minutes and thirty-nine seconds watchin’ a video of a kitten in a paper bag, but there was something kind of mesmerizing about it. And I don’t even like cats!

But for me, the real piece de resistance is food porn. I’m not talking about pictures of what folks ate at a restaurant. No, I like the ones with recipes attached, recipes that call for lots of cheese or chocolate or a luscious cake made with a box of cake mix and just three other ingredients.

But you know how sometimes you can be scanning your Facebook newsfeed, and all of a sudden something jumps out at you? Something that takes you on a magical journey? Well, that happened to me Friday morning. Suddenly, I see these cupcakes. I would have passed them by, except they had bacon stickin’ out of ‘em. Now, if you follow my blog, you know I’m batty for bacon. Bacon just kind of makes everything better, doesn’t it?

Well, I read the caption to the photo and it says, “Wild Maine Blueberry Cupcakes with Maple Frosting and Candied Bacon.” Get outta town! First off you’re combining two of my favorite foods, candy plus bacon, then you’re addin’ in the Nectar of the Gods, maple syrup, and throwing in some anti-oxidants for good measure. I’m thinkin’, These puppies would be perfect for breakfast. I become possessed. I mean, I need to find that recipe.

I google blueberry cupcakes with maple frosting and find a bunch of recipes, including one with a maple brown butter frosting (maple plus brown butter, even better). Then I search for candied bacon and find a video on how to make it. Warning: If you’re at all hungry, do not watch this thing.

I go back to my google search. There’s a recipe for Brown Sugar Cupcakes with Maple Frosting and Candied Bacon. And, hold on a minute, Candied Bacon Cupcakes with Chocolate Frosting. Oh God, listen to this: Chocolate Cupcakes with Maple Buttercream Frosting and Candied Bacon, Double Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes, Chocolate Beer Batter Cupcakes with Maple Bacon Frosting topped with Crumbled Candied Bacon. By now you’re getting what I mean by “food porn.”

Something else catches my eye. Wait for it: Candied Bacon Ice Cream. I know, huh? Just when you thought life couldn’t get better, something like this comes along. I follow the link to the recipe. This isn’t ordinary ice cream. No, it’s homemade ice cream custard. (Ice cream plus custard? Yikes!). We’re talkin’ egg yolks, brown sugar and Half and Half with a little dark rum thrown in for good measure: Breakfast of Champions!

What the heck. I search candied bacon ice cream and find recipes for Salted Caramel and Candied Bacon Ice Cream (I’m cuckoo for caramel, too), Smoked Maple Ice Cream with Candied Bacon, Smoky Chocolate Porter Ice Cream with Beer Candied Bacon, Salty Popped Corn and Caramel-Candied Bacon Ice Cream, and, my heart be still, a Brown Butter Candied Bacon Ice Cream and Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwich. By now I’m losin’ it, folks, totally losin’ it.

Then, I happen to glance at the time. Whoa! I’m gonna be late for work if I don’t move it.

Now you may think this sounds like a complete waste of time. OK, but consider the alternative. I could’ve spent the same amount of time reading the newspaper or listening to the news, getting’ really depressed about stuff I can’t do anything about. What’s the point of that? This way, I scamper off to work with a spring in my step, propelled by the very notion of blueberry cupcakes with maple frosting and candied bacon. It’s a beautiful world!

That’s if for now. Catch you on the flip side!

Ida's Podcast: Facebook

Performances and Book Events: Fall
October 8: A Visit With Ida, Fall Senior Lucheon for First Congregational Church of Manchester, 12:00pm, Manchester, NH
October 9: Book Reading, Raymond Public Library, 6:00pm, Raymond, ME
October 10: A Visit With Ida, York County Retired Educators 50th Celebration, 1:30pm, Wells, ME
October 11: Book Reading, Boothbay Harbor Memorial Library Literary Luncheon, 12:00pm, Boothbay Harbor, ME
November 1: I Married an Alien!, Merrimack College, Rogers Center for the Arts, 7:30pm, North Andover, MA
November 6: Keynote, The Moose in Me, The Moose in You!, 7th Annual Statewide Caregivers Conference, 9:15am, Concord, NH
November 16: The Best of Ida, Ogunquit Performing Arts, 7:00pm, Ogunquit, ME
November 30: Book Signing with Rebecca Rule, Kittery Trading Post, 11am-2pm, Kittery, ME
December 16: A Visit With Ida, Huntington Commons, 2:00pm, Kennebunk, ME

For details, please check out the schedule page on my website: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule