Just Ask Ida

Bacon Makes Everything Better

We were hanging out with our niece Caitlin and her boyfriend, Adam, last week. It was a typical January day, cold and blustery, with an occasionally flurry thrown in for good measure. But it was warm inside, and we were having breakfast for supper. This is something we used to do all the time when we Caitlin was little and we were babysitting.

French toast and bacon were on the menu. Caitlin and Adam are vegetarian, so they usually bring along some veggie bacon for me to cook up for them. Personally, I don’t get the point for veggie bacon. It just seems kind of unnatural. But we humor ‘em.

Could have knock me over with a feather, when the kids arrive with some of the real stuff. Apparently, they’d had a come to Jesus moment and saw the light. And this wasn’t just your basic Oscar Meyer. No, their bacon come from a local farm and was sustainable, organic, I think they knew the pig personally, special bacon.

And you know what? It was delicious! It tasted like how bacon did when I was a kid, and my grandmother bought her bacon from the Dugall farm across the street. They slaughtered their own hogs and smoked the bacon right there. I don’t know if I want a personal relationship with the pig, but I think there’s more special bacon in our future.

Of course, Charlie wrote a poem about it.

 

Bacon’s Where I Draw the Line 

“There’s nothing,” Ida likes to say,
“Like bacon on a snowy day”
You’d freeze your hide to go outside
But bacon has a special way

Of thawing out your winter chills
A humble food that’s got the skill
To cheer, when you begin to hear
It suddenly sizzlin’ on the grill

Some like it crispy, some do not
But either way, it’s better hot
With eggs and toast I like it most
And roasted coffee from the pot

Bacon fat makes killer suet
Easy, anyone can do it
Once it’s hard, hang in the yard
And watch them birdies get down to it!

 

A vegetarian friend of mine
Says givin’ up all meat is fine
“Exceptin’ one I’ll never shun:
Bacon’s where I draw the line!”

 

I think Charlie’s on the something. There should be more poems about bacon. If anything deserves it, bacon does.

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA'S PODCAST: Bacon Makes Everything Better

 

Upcoming Performances and Book Events Winter/Spring 2018

March 7: Book Reading, Cumston Public Library, 6:30pm, Monmouth, ME

March 10: Book Reading, South Portland Public Library, http://southportlandlibrary.com/ 2:00pm, South Portland, ME

March 27: A Visit With Ida, South Berwick Public Library http://www.southberwicklibrary.org/  7:00pm, South Berwick, ME

March 29: A Visit With Ida, Gardiner Adult Education, http://msad11.maineadulted.org/  6:00pm, Gardiner, ME

April 10: Book Reading, Goodall Memorial Library, http://lbgoodall.org/#&panel1-1  6:30pm, Sanford, ME

May 1: Book Reading, Berwick Public Library, https://www.berwick.lib.me.us/  6:00pm, Berwick, ME

 

Check out my full schedule here: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule/

All Hail the King

Are you lonesome tonight,
do you miss me tonight? 

I’m still feeling a little blue this morning. If you’re an Elvis fan, you know why. Thirty-seven years ago this past Saturday, the King moved on to that Great Show Room in the Sky. I sure do miss him. What a sexy man! Fat or thin, I don’t care. There was something about Elvis.

In 1977, Charlie and me had tickets to see Elvis in Portland. I could not believe he was actually coming to Maine. Boston maybe, but Portland? How could we not go? I mean, our first dance together as husband and wife, was to Elvis singing “All Shook Up.” The Portland concert was going to be our anniversary and Christmas present, all rolled into one. Was I excited? Oh Mister Man, I hardly slept for a week! 

Then, the day before the concert, I’m working at the A&P, ringing out Mrs. St. Cyr, when Rita runs across the street from Smitty’s hardware where she was working. They always had a little transistor radio playing in the back there. She’s crying, “Ida! Ida! He’s dead! He’s dead!” 

“Oh my God, honey! Who is?” I thought something had happened to one of her kids, she was so upset.

“Mon Dieu,” Mrs. St. Cyr cries, “The Pope? Pope Paul?” 

“No, Elvis! He died today in Memphis!”

Mrs. St. Cyr looked a little miffed, but I got all numb inside. Anyone else, I would have thought they were joking, but Rita would never do something like that to me. I could tell by her face it was true. Elvis was gone. 

I didn’t cry. I just finished bagging Mrs. St. Cyr’s groceries, walked out back, got my pocketbook and went home. I sat in the living room listening to “Elvis: A Legendary Performer, Volume 2”, hanging on the King’s every word. Still no tears. Not until Charlie come home. When he hugged me, I started sobbing like a baby. August 16, 1977. Elvis was just 42-years-old. 

So every year on the anniversary of his death, rather than moping, the Women Who Run With the Moose have a party where we celebrate all things Elvis. The Husbands of the Women Who Run With the Moose pretend to tolerate this, but I know they understand. Elvis was a big part of all our lives when we were growing up. Besides, it gives them an excuse to hang out down to the Brew Ha Ha, drink beer and play darts.

This year, our Elvis night was held at Betty’s, and she had a Hawaiian theme going in honor of the King’s “Aloha from Hawaii” special. That’s the one where Elvis has on that tight, white jump suit cut low in the front with bell bottoms, a stand up collar and rhinestones all over. You know, the concert where he shows off some of his karate moves?

Us girls all dressed up tropical, though we skipped the grass skirts and coconut bras. As Shirley says, “We crossed that bridge a long time ago.” Betty always does it up real nice. She had taken a trip down to “Let’s Party” in Bangor, and got lots of cute decorations, including an inflatable palm tree, a set of little pineapple lights, plastic drinking glasses that looked just like coconuts and a lei for each of us. Elvis loved Hawaiian Punch apparently, so we drank diet Hawaiian Punch and rum. 

Now, you’re probably thinking we had a luau, but no. We ate what we always eat on August 16th: Elvis’ favorite foods. Dot brought a bucket of fried chicken and Shirley made southern style sausage gravy over biscuits (talk about a heart attack on a plate). For vegetables, Celeste actually did collard greens cooked with ham hocks. Instead of sweet potato pie, Rita did her famous sweet potato bake with the miniature marshmallows on the top, which I know Elvis would have loved.

The King’s favorite dessert was Pound Cake. It’s hard to get really excited about that. So lately I’ve been making Chocolate Stuff from the Sweet Potato Queens’ Cookbook. If you have not tried Chocolate Stuff, you are missing something. Chocolate Stuff may not solve the world’s problems, but honey, you’ll forget about them while you’re eating this cake.

Yesterday, I did what I did thirty-seven years ago, and every August 17th since. In honor of the King, I made a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich for breakfast, then settled down in front of the tube. We saw “Blue Hawaii” Saturday night, and the “Aloha” special, of course. Yesterday, I watched “King Creole” and “Viva Las Vegas”. I rotate movies every year, but I always have to feast my eyes on the “1968 Comeback Special.” That’s the one where Elvis is dressed entirely in black with a leather jacket. He’s playing the guitar all intimate and that smile. Oh mister man, it just melts my heart!

I'm in love
I'm all shook up
Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!
I’m all shook up 

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA's PODCAST: All Hail the King 

Coming Up This Week:

August 19  Reading, Southwest Harbor Public Library, 5:30 p.m., Southwest Harbor, ME

Upcoming Shows & Book Events: Summer

September 4  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 8:00 p.m. Portsmouth, NH

September 5  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 2:00 p.m. Portsmouth, NH

 

 

 

Holy Fudge

So, I’m standing at the check out of one of them new, “old fashioned” general stores, clutching a bag of penny candy, when I suddenly spy the fudge counter. What a dilemma!

The Women Who Run With the Moose (which is me and my friends Celeste, Rita, Betty, Dot and Shirley) take field trips from time to time, and we were on our way home from a whirlwind shopping excursion to the outlet malls in North Conway. Plum tuckered out from all that bargain hunting, we needed a little nourishment to fuel our trip back to Mahoosuc Mills. That’s when the store appeared right on cue. We piled out of Shirley’s Bonneville (that’s the only car big enough to hold all six of us), and went in search of sustenance.

Now, us girls are evenly divided in terms of preference, with Rita, Dot and Shirley going for the crunchy, salty snacks, and Celeste, Betty and me gravitating more toward the smooth, sweet stuff. I bypassed the “I Heart New Hampshire” t-shirts and balsam pillows, and went straight for the penny candy.  

See, I love penny candy. It reminds me of when I was a kid. What a treat it was for my sister Irene and me to go to Blue’s, the gas station and general store that old Mr. Blouin and his wife used to run in Mahoosuc Mills. Inside were two glass fronted, wooden cabinets filled with penny candy (this was back in the old days when penny candy actually cost a penny). Irene and me could spend half the morning debating the merits of Mary Janes versus Squirrels. Coconut Watermelon Strips or Mint Juleps? Mrs. Blue was always patient, letting us take our time, and occasionally giving us a cream soda to share while we weighted our options.

So on this particular day in the New Hampshire general store, I selected three each of Mary Janes, Squirrels, Bulls Eyes, and mini Tootsie Rolls (I like to alternate one of each kind to keep the taste fresh). For good measure, I grabbed a York Peppermint Patty to cleanse my palette.

I was all set to check out when I spied the fudge counter. Don’t do it, I’m thinking, but my feet just started walking in that direction. Though momentarily distracted by the Snickers fudge, I found what I was looking for. Yes! Second flavor from the left: penuche with walnuts! 

My father’s sister, Georgiana, always gave us a box of Penuche Fudge with walnuts at Christmas time. I’ve never tasted anything quite like that fudge (though that hasn’t stopped me from trying). It was heavenly! Not only that, it was blessed by the church. See, Georgiana was a nun, and because she made the fudge with the other nuns she lived with, we referred to it as “holy fudge”. 

I’ll just get a taste, I’m thinking. Then, I saw the sign: “Quarter pound minimum.”  

“Would you like some fudge?” the woman behind the counter asks. 

“I’m trying to decide how sick I want to make myself.” 

Because here’s the thing: as I’ve gotten older, my body doesn’t tolerate sugar the way it used to. If I’m not careful, I get this wicked headache, and suddenly I’m beyond snappy. The last time I went on a sugar bender, my husband Charlie says, “Ida, candy may take you back to your childhood, but all it takes me back to are the days of PMS.” I stared at the Penuche. 

“How big’s a quarter pound?” I ask.

“About like this.” The woman pointed to a piece that didn’t look all that big. 

I knew I couldn’t get both the penny candy and the fudge. Chances are, I’d demo all of it before we hit the outskirts of Mahoosuc Mills. Then, I might as well just fire up my boom and fly home. I just couldn’t do that to Charlie and our little pup, Scamp. Besides, my friends were all checked out and waiting for me.

“Quarter pound of Penuche with walnuts,” I said. I figured the protein and anti-oxidants in the nuts would kind of balance things out.  

I put back the penny candy, while the woman packaged the penuche and rang me up: $4.00! I’m thinking, maybe I made the wrong decision, but it’s too late now. I’ve committed, and I’m just going to have deal with it best I can.

“Would you like a little knife?” the women asks.

At first, I had to think about what she meant. Then, I got it. “Oh, a little knife so I can share. Sure,” I says (not likely, I’m thinking. The Women Who Run With the Moose share a lot of things, but dessert’s not one of them). 

When I got in the car, as much as I wanted to just bite off a hunk of the fudge, I decided not to do it. I would be civilized, cut myself a moderate piece of Penuche and close the bag up. Pace myself. I took a taste. 

Let me tell you, that fudge was so sweet it kind of made the glands behind my ears ache. It didn’t taste quite like holy fudge, but it would do.

I cut off another small piece and ate it. I was feeling a little nauseous by then, so I put the fudge away. For about fifteen minutes. Then I pinched off another piece, and another. 

By the time we reached Mahoosuc Mills, half the Penuche was gone, and I was cultivating a dull headache. I walk into our house, and when Scamp greeted me with his usual “I never thought I’d see you again!” excitement, I felt sort of overwhelmed. Give me some space, I’m thinking. Then, when Charlie didn’t tear himself away from the evening news, I could feel the irritation building. The least he could do is get up and say hello! Oh, and look, he didn’t even sort the mail! What a surprise!. And boy, I knew was in trouble.  

Before pinching another piece of Penuche, I take the bag into the bathroom, and using the little knife, I cut the fudge into chunks, and flush ‘em down the toilet. 

See, I couldn’t just throw the bag of fudge in the trash. Because between you and me, when it comes to sweets, I’ve been known to return to the trash, dig out the bag, open it up and continue where I left off. 

And that is the end of my confession. For penance, I’m gonna say one Our Father, two Hail Mary’s and eat a salad with low-cal dressing.

That’s more than enough for now. Catch you on the flip side! 

IDA's PODCAST: Holy Fudge

This week:

July 22 Reading, Bailey Public Library, 6:30 p.m., Winthrop, ME

Upcoming Shows & Book Events: Summer

August 9 A Visit With Ida, Storytelling by the Sea, 7:15 p.m., Castine, ME

August 14  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 8:00 p.m., Portsmouth, NH

August 15  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 2:00 p.m., Portsmouth, NH

August 19  Reading, Southwest Harbor Public Library, 5:30 p.m., Southwest Harbor, ME

September 4  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 8:00 p.m. Portsmouth, NH

September 5  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 2:00 p.m. Portsmouth, NH