Just Ask Ida

I’m Having a Love Affair

I realized something the other day when I was out walking Scamp. We didn’t have a mud season this year! I know, I didn’t miss it either. Guess that’s what happens when you have such a God-awful winter. I mean, didn’t it go on forever? And cold as all get out, too.  

But here’s the thing about having a long winter: the spring is all that much sweeter. The crocuses, forsythia, daffodils and tulips seem that much brighter—purple, yellow, and red. The grass seems that much greener, too. And the smells, oh, the smells!

Charlie was the first to notice, back at the beginning of March.

“Listen, Ida.”

“What?”

“The birds are chitter-chatterin’. Spring's a comin’.”

Snow’s still on the ground, but I catch the tiniest whiff of change in the air. “You’re right, Charlie. Listen to ‘em! It even smells like spring, doesn’t it, Scamp? 

It starts slowly, but soon every walk is an orgy of good smells. With its bright, little yellow flowers, our clove currant bush smells like the ground clove you buy at the store to add to your apple pie. The earthy scent of fresh mulch is in the flower beds. And if someone asked me, (don’t know why they would, but if they did), what the color green smells like, I’d say new mown grass. Walking “the loop,” and catching that same sweet, flowery scent we do every spring in the same spot, and neither of us can figure out where it’s coming from. We stand there, looking around like crazy people, and can never can find it. The layered smell of the woods, decaying leaves, mud by the brook, and there it is again, green, but smelling like a darker green than the grass. 

And clothes fresh off the line. You can’t put that scent in a bottle. I love the way Charlie smells after working outdoors, too, that intoxicating combo of work sweat, dirt and suncreen. Scamp smells different in spring, too. Oh, he still smells like optimism and unconditional love, but now the dry smell of winter is replaced by a greener fragrance, ‘cause he loves rolling around in the grass. Hopefully, I can keep him from rolling in anything else! 

And the house, with all the windows open, smelling clean and fresh, I love that! Some of the outside smells wafting their way inside. Clove currant: ahhh; the smell of steak cooking on the neighbor’s grill; fresh cut lilacs on our kitchen table.

What can I tell you? I’m having a love affair with spring this year. I can’t remember ever appreciating it so much. We’ve plowed enough, haven’t we? Shoveled. Slipped on icy steps. We’re done, thank you very much. And I’m filled with gratitude for spring’s green goodness. And boy, are the birds ever feeling it, too, because they’re busy building their nests and making the most wonderful racket. Life is good!

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA's PODCAST: I'm Having a Love Affair

May 19  Book Club Visit, 10:00 a.m., Portsmouth, NH

July 8,  Reading, Belgrade Public Library, 6:00 p.m., Belgrade, ME

July 14  Reading, Freeport Community Library, 7:00 p.m., Freeport, ME

August 9 A Visit With Ida, Storytelling by the Sea, 7:15 p.m., Castine, ME

August 14  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 8:00 p.m., Portsmouth, NH

August 15  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 2:00 p.m., Portsmouth, NH

August 19  Reading, Southwest Harbor Public Library, 5:30 p.m., Southwest Harbor, ME

September 4  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 8:00 p.m. Portsmouth, NH

September 5  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 2:00 p.m. Portsmouth, NH

The Number One Yard Sale Rule

A couple of weeks ago, I gave you some general tips on how to have a successful yard sale. Now that you’re up to snuff on the basics, let’s move on to something I didn’t cover in that blog, which happens to be the number one yard sale rule: once an item leaves the house, it doesn’t come back inside. 

Honoring the number one rule is easy if you remember the golden rule of yard sales: if it has any sentimental value, I don’t care if it’s a bottle cap, keep it. If you remember that golden rule, the rest is easy. You’ll be ready to part with everything in your yard sale.

That means at the end of the day, whatever hasn’t sold gets sorted into two piles: dump and Goodwill. It’s just common sense. After making all that effort to get rid of stuff, why the hell would you haul it back inside to collect dust for another ten years? See, this is why your yard sale only goes until 3:00 p.m. That gives you time to sort through the stuff that didn’t sell, drop some of it at Goodwill, and then haul the rest to the dump, leaving you time to go out to dinner. 

Besides, you know your stuff will be appreciated by the folks at Goodwill and by Whitey Hebert down at the dump. I’m sure you've got someone like him in your town, too. Just about every weekend, spring through fall, Whitey and his son, Little Whitey (who’s over 6 feet tall, and probably weighs 250 lbs.) are pretty much camped out at the Swap Shop, waiting to score all the stuff that people didn’t sell at their yard sales.

Whitey Hebert, now there’s a piece of work. You’ll never see him at a yard sale. For a fella like Whitey, buying stuff is out of the question. That would be failing at his life’s mission, which is getting stuff for free. No, Whitey backs his truck right up to the Swap Shop at the dump and just stands in the doorway. When he sees you driving up, he’s like, “Come to Papa.” Your boxes of junk never even hit the ground. They go directly from your truck to his. All of it, he’s not picky. And Whitey never breaks a sweat. If there’s any heavy lifting to do, Little Whitey does all the work. His father just stands there chewing tobacco and supervising.

Now what does Whitey Hebert do with all that crap from the Swap Shop? Well, I’ll tell you. He brings it home, puts it under one of them blue tarps and your stuff merges into what’s got to be one of the moldiest yard sales in Maine. Whitey’s wife, June, runs that part of the operation. Poor dear. You’ve probably seen her sitting in her lawn chair, house dress, hair in curlers, smoking a butt. Charlie calls her "Our Lady of the Perpetual Yard Sale."

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flipside!

IDA's PODCAST: Number One Yard Sale Rule 

Upcoming Shows & Book Events: Spring/Summer

May 19  Book Club Visit, 10:00 a.m., Portsmouth, NH

July 8,  Reading, Belgrade Public Library, 6:00 p.m., Belgrade, ME

July 14  Reading, Freeport Community Library, 7:00 p.m., Freeport, ME

August 9 A Visit With Ida, Storytelling by the Sea, 7:15 p.m., Castine, ME

August 14  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 8:00 p.m., Portsmouth, NH

August 15  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 2:00 p.m., Portsmouth, NH

August 19  Reading, Southwest Harbor Public Library, 5:30 p.m., Southwest Harbor, ME

September 4  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 8:00 p.m. Portsmouth, NH

September 5  Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale, ACT ONE Festival 2014, 2:00 p.m. Portsmouth, NH

Swimsuit Season

At the end of last summer, the Women Who Run With the Moose (which are my friends, Celeste, Rita, Betty, Dot and Shirley) made me throw away my old bathing suit, in order to force me into buying a new one this spring. I loved that old suit, but I'd worn it so much, it was practically transparent just where I didn't want it to be. Let's just say that peek-a-boo is a game best played by a baby, not a middle aged woman at the company picnic.  

God, I hate shopping for a bathing suit! Looking at myself, with underwear on under a swimsuit, in the florescent lights of the dressing room, in one of those three-sided mirrors. It's just too much of a good thing, if you catch my drift.  

Now, most of the time, I feel alright about the way I look, but there's something about spring that just makes me feel chubby. I don't notice it all that much in winter, but as the weather gets warmer and the layers start coming off, I notice that I'm still carrying around that pumpkin pie from Thanksgiving. I'm uncomfortable, but not enough to actually do anything about it. Oh, I make half-hearted attempts at dieting. I joined Curves. But let’s get real, the weight just don't come off the way it used to. 

But this spring, I didn’t have a choice. It was either buy a new bathing suit or find a nude beach. So, Betty give me one of them catalogues that specializes in "generous cuts for real women." There’s a page of instructions on how to measure yourself to find the right size. So, I measure and write the numbers down on the chart. I still couldn't figure out the size, so I call the 800 number. The catalogue place has me on hold for a dog's age, but finally, the next available representative comes on the line, Amy. 

"Amy," I says, "here's the deal. My torso is a size 8, my hips a size 10, my bust a size 12, and my waist a size 16. What size should I order in the Esther Williams skirted skinny suit on page thirteen?"

Amy hesitated a minute. I think she was stifling a laugh. Then she clears her throat and says, "I'll have to consult our swimsuit specialist.” And puts me on hold, again.

Now, you've heard of women with a pear shape? I’m what they call an apple. That's what it said in the Oprah Magazine. Everything is pretty much in proportion, except I don't have a waist. That's why I like bathing suits with skirts. They kind of fan out into a fake hip thing which, I think, makes my waist look smaller.    

Anyways, Amy is gone for about five minutes. I’m sitting there, listening to a touching rendition of "Yesterday", imagining Amy and a whole team of “shopping specialists” tearing their hair out. Finally, Amy comes back on the line, and says, "Mrs. LeClair, our swimsuit specialist suggests you order one of our camouflaging tankinis in a size 10 for the bottom and 12 for the top."

"Amy, it's not the top or the bottom that's the problem. It's the middle. And I’m not interested in that tankini. I have a bad history with hibrids. Why, I still have a bump on my big toe from that shoe that “looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker”.  I know you're trying to be helpful, dear, but I have my heart set on the Esther Williams skirted skinny suit in “Tickle Me Pink.” What size should I order?”

When the bathing suit arrives, I try it on in the privacy of my own home, under natural lights. It fit like a glove (that shrunk in the wash). The suit made me look like I had a permanent wedgy. I’m no shopping specialist, but I knew I wasn’t a size eight. So, I send it back, lickety split. When the the second suit arrives, I’m not too hopeful. But I try it on, it feels pretty good. So I suck in my stomach and look in the mirror. Wow, I’m thinking, not too shabby. This is going to drive my husband Charlie wild. Luckily, he has a thing for skirted swimsuits. 

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA's PODCAST: Swimsuit Season

Upcoming Shows & Book Events: Spring

May 19  Book Club Visit, 10:00 a.m., Portsmouth, NH

For details, please check out the schedule page on my website: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule