Just Ask Ida

Pork Pie Killed My Grandmother

Zip-a-dee-do-da! We made it through the holidays. Well, Christmas anyway. Just New Years to go, and that’s nothin’. All you got to do is show up at a party, eat, drink, and be merry. I can do that. Or watch the ball drop on TV, which is OK, too. 

 

We finally ate the last of the pork pie, so thankfully my heartburn has eased off a bit. I only order one, from Labrecque’s Bakery, and yes, I get the large one, not the small. It’s only once a year, right? Still, we’re careful not to overdo, ‘cause eatin’ too much pork pie over the holidays can be dangerous. After all, it killed my grandmother.  

See, it’s a tradition around the holidays (the pork pies, not the dying). In our family, as a rule, we try not to die around the holidays. It puts a damper on things. Pork pies, or tourtieres, are a French Canadian thing. It’s a pie filled with ground pork, potatoes, onions, and spices. You eat it during the holidays with homemade piccalilli (a relish). I like my pork pie with lots of catsup though Charlie likes his plain. To each his own.

We used to have pork pies at Réveillons, which is a big party held after midnight mass with tons of food and drinking. There would be baked beans made with salt pork and biscuits and roast pork with homemade apple sauce. See, you gotta understand, pork is the food of my people. For dessert, there’d be pies, bread pudding with heavy cream, and Christmas pudding made with suet served with hard sauce. Oh, the list goes on and on. I don’t know how my parents did it, staying up ‘til 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning partying and then us kids would wake them up at 5:00 a.m. to open presents. It probably helped that they still had a little buzz on. 

But that was in the good old, bad old days. Now, midnight mass is at 7:00 p.m., and afterwards, we have supper together (roast pork, of course). And we save the pork pie for breakfast on Christmas morning. Gotta pace your pork! 

For awhile there, my mother was making the pork pie with ground turkey. She said it was better for us, and besides, it was okay ‘cause the nuns were doing it, too. But ground turkey has a weird consistency, don’t you think? Have you ever made a meatloaf with it? It’s kind of rubbery. Needless to say, the ground turkey-pork pie never really caught on.

So anyway, one year when I was a kid, my grandmother ate so much pork pie over the holidays that shortly after New Years, she had a wicked gall bladder attack and had to be rushed over there to the ER in Bangor. They removed her gall bladder, no problem, but the next day she died of a massive coronary right there in the hospital. There was nothing they could do. Yup, it was the pork pie that did her in.

We still eat it though, despite the danger. It just wouldn’t seem like Christmas without pork pie, piccalilli, and heartburn!

Happy New Year everyone! Here’s to 2014. May it be filled with good times and a lot of laughs!

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side! 

IDA's PODCAST: Pork Pie Killed My Grandmother

Coming up this month

January 12: Finding Your Inner Moose book group visit, 2:00 p.m., Kittery, ME

January 17: Dinner and A Visiting With Ida, Roost Café & Bistro, 7:00 p.m., Ogunqit, ME

January 26: Book Reading, Albert Brown Memorial Library, 2:00 p.m., China Village, ME

For details, please check out the schedule page on my website: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule

 

     

 

Countdown to Christmas

Yikes, I’m about to burst! Seriously, I’ve had it up to here with holiday lattes and eggnog, cookie swaps and Lindt truffle balls, mixed nuts and them cheese and sausage combo gift boxes! My spanky is stretched to the max, and frankly, this little bear’s ready to settle down for a long winter’s nap with the electric blanket on high, baby!

But not before the best part: Christmas Eve! I just love it! That’s when our family celebrates. Charlie and me are hosting this year. I’m makin’ roast pork, mashed potatoes and gravy, homemade apple sauce and peas in a cream sauce served in those little Pepperidge Farm puff pastry shells. My sister Irene is bringing the appetizers: hot crab dip, shrimp cocktail and some kind of pop in the oven type thing she got a great deal on at BJ’s. Mini quiches, I think. And yes, I did get Charlie one of them Hickory Farm cheese logs, the one with the little nuts on the outside. He and my dad will go to town on that. Irene is also bringing dessert. She won’t tell me what it is this year; it’s a surprise. As a rule, I’m not big on surprises, but a dessert surprise is usually a winner. 

So, I cleaned the house good over the weekend, and I got the applesauce cookin’ on the stove right now. I added some fresh cranberries, for color. I’m setting the table this evening, get out the servin’ dishes and everything. I got tomorrow off, so there’s plenty of time to get things ready. 

I’ll wrap last minute stuff in the morning while Charlie’s out with the Santa Squad. You know, delivering presents to kids, the ones whose families need a little help. The boys do that every year. They love it, and so do the Women Who Run With the Moose, ‘cause it gets the guys out from underfoot. Charlie plays Santa, of course. Well, he has the suit! And for them kids, let me tell you, Charlie is the real deal, ho-ho-ho-in’ his way into their little hearts. 

Christmas Eve, after we’ve unwrapped our presents and eaten all that great food; after Scamp’s been given his holiday pig ear, after the family has talked and laughed and said, as we do every year, “I think this was our best Christmas ever,” after everyone’s gone home and the kitchen’s put back in order, my Santa and me are gonna have our own special celebration. Ho-ho-ho!

Ida’s gonna be kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe tonight
Though it’s a busy day
I know he’ll want to stay
‘Cause Mrs. Claus has got herself
A brand new negligee!

So, all you reindeer waiting on the roof
Sing yourselves a reindeer serenade
‘Cause we’re kind of occupied
You’ll have to wait outside
Santa’s gonna be a bit delayed!

Have a Happy Holidays, everyone! 

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA'S PODCAST: Countdown to Christmas

For a little extra holiday cheer check out my Christmas videos: 

Feeding Santa’s Reindeer

Not So Secret Santa

The Worst Christmas Ever

Share them with friends and family!

All In the Line of Duty

Our Down Home Holiday Festival was a huge success this weekend. I didn’t go too crazy at the Blessed Bling Boutique, and the Women Who Run with the Moose took in a pretty good haul at our craft table.

Per usual, on Friday evening I volunteered as Santa’s helper down to the Community Center. I used to dress up as an elf, but I’m getting a little long in the tooth for that, so I’ve graduated to Mrs. Claus. My husband, Charlie, is Santa. 

Charlie and me both have beautiful red velveteen outfits with white fake fur trim that Madame Cloutier made for us, good quality white wigs, little wire frame glasses, and Charlie has this wonderful white beard we ordered special from the Santa Catalogue. Charlie also wears an athletic cup. He learned the hard way, more than once. A parent picks up their toddler and hands him to Santa, but on the approach, that kid starts kicking, and before you know it, Bang! Santa is singing in the Vienna Boys Choir!

Blissfully, this year was uneventful. Not like a few years back. Now, that was memorable. There was a line out the door waiting to see Santa. Children are chattering, fidgeting, whining: you know the drill. When all of a sudden, Santa’s volunteer fireman beeper goes off. I look at Charlie. He looks at me. What could he do? So, Santa stands up and walks toward the door. “Okay,” I tell everybody, “Keep your place in line. Santa’s going to take a little break, and he’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” 

The looks on those parent’s faces! Kids crying, “Where’s Santa going?” “Hey Santa, what about me?” Oh, it was heart breaking! Then, once Santa leaves the building, they all turn and stare at me. I’m starting to get a little dewy in all that red velveteen, and my heart is pounding hard, but I knew if I let them see my fear, they’d attack! So, Mrs. Claus takes a deep breath and begins, “Now, who can name all of Santa’s reindeer?” 

Meanwhile, Charlie’s hoofing it for the fire station. It’s only block away (let’s face it, everything in downtown Mahoosuc Mills is only a block away). Charlie changes direction when he sees the fire truck heading for the Busy Bee.  

As Charlie walks up he sees people standing on the sidewalk. There’s smoke coming out of the back of the Busy Bee. Shirley’s husband Junior hands Charlie a fire hat, and he replaces his Santa cap with it. 

“Santa, are you a fireman, too?” a little girl asks. 

“Yes, I am,” says Charlie, thinking fast. “That’s why my sleigh is red.”

Charlie and the other firemen go in. After making sure there are no children around, Charlie takes off his Santa beard. That thing is highly flammable, and he didn’t want to take any chances. It turns out it was just a small fire in the trash can of the men’s room, not even enough heat to make the sprinklers go off. Which was a good thing, because that always makes such a mess. Charlie let the boys deal with the problem, so he wouldn’t mess up his suit. 

So, he puts his beard and red hat back on, and begins heading back to the Community Center where Mrs. Claus and about fifty cranky kids and their disgruntled parents are having a night to remember. We went over the names of Santa’s reindeer. That took all of a minute. I was going to read “The Night Before Christmas,” but no one had a copy. So, we moved on to a Christmas Carol sing-along which also went by pretty quick because I could only remember the chorus and maybe one verse to just a handful of songs. By now, Mrs. Claus has gone from a little dewy, past perspiration and into a cold sweat. Next up, I’m thinking, New Years resolutions, then on to “What I did on my Summer Vacation”.

Meanwhile, as Charlie’s strolling back to Santa duty, he hears a sound coming from behind a tree in front of the Town Hall. At first he thought it was an animal in trouble. Then he realizes it’s a kid, crying. Turns out, it was little Timmy Bodge, who was about 7 at the time. 

 “What’s the matter, Timmy?”

 “Santa! How did you know my name?”

“Well, Timmy, I see you when you’re sleeping. I know when you’re awake. I know when you’ve been bad or good. Have you been a bad boy, Timmy?”

See, Timmy’s brothers were always in some sort of trouble. Frankie even did a little time down to the Juvie. So far, though, Timmy had been a pretty good kid. Charlie wanted to scare him into staying that way, and besides, at that moment, Timmy was looking very guilty. “I’ll ask you again. Have you been a bad boy, Timmy?” 

 “Maybe.”

“That was a yes or no question, Timmy. You’re wasting Santa’s time. Am I going to have to go back to the North Pole and cross you off my list?” 

“No! Please don’t do that, Santa! I, I didn’t mean to start the fire! See, I, I took a couple of my Mom’s cigarettes, which I figure isn’t that bad because she’s always saying how they’ll give her cancer. So, really I’m helping her out. And then, and then, I went into the Busy Bee to take a pee, and then while I was there, I decided to try a cigarette. And I just got it lit when I thought I heard someone coming, so I dropped it in the trash can, and this fire started! I tried to put it out, Santa, but I couldn’t. So I got scared and ran out the back door. I didn’t mean to start the fire, Santa! Honest! Please don’t cross me off your list!”

“Well, in order for that to happen, you’re going to have to do a few things for me, Timmy. You’re going to have to apologize to Mr. and Mrs. Delahunt for starting a fire in their restaurant. And next Saturday, I want you to report to the Fire Station, help them clean out the store room. Finally, you’re going to have to promise to be a good boy from now on.”

 “I promise, Santa!”

“Swear on Rudolph’s nose?”

 “I swear on Rudolph’s nose! I’ll be a good boy from now on!”

Heartwarming, isn’t it? Unless you happen to be back at the Community Center dressed head to toe in red velveteen, with a white wig, showing everyone how to do country line dancing. In my opinion, Timmy Bodge got off way too easy. If you think I’m being hard on him, cruise on over to You Tube, and check out a video featuring yours truly, entitled “Mrs. Claus Teaches the Electric Slide.”

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA's PODCAST: All In the Line of Duty

For a little extra holiday cheer this week, check out my video “Feeding Santa’s Reindeer.”

I love entertaining groups, small and large! The following are wicked fun for after lunch, after dinner, rewards banquets, keynote speeches and what not.

A Visit With Ida

A Holiday Visit With Ida 

The Moose in Me, The Moose in You! 

And if your book group wants to read Finding Your Inner Moose, I'd love to be part of the discussion. Especially if there's food involved!  

For more information, visit my website: idaswebsite.com