Just Ask Ida

Commencement

Well, here we are, end of June, and prom and graduation season is just about over. It’s always hectic, this time of year. Down to the A&P, our flower and helium balloon sales triple. Swear to God. And I can always tell who the parent of the graduate is by that look on their face: proud, overwhelmed and utterly exhausted!

Oh, I love seeing the kids all dolled up for their proms. The gals sure do look more grown up then we did, but the boys? They pretty much look the same, don’t they? I can’t remember putting that much effort into my prom look, but maybe that’s ‘cause I was so busy plannin’ my wedding. See, Charlie and me were married two weeks after I graduated.

This year we went to two graduations. Our niece Katie graduated from Foxcroft Academy, that prep school over to Dover-Foxcroft, and our nephew Matthias from Moose Megantic High, the consolidated school here in town. They may have been different in the details, but those graduations were more alike than you’d think.

There’s a lot of things I like about graduations. I love the spectacle, of course, which I confess, kind of makes me tear up. Granted, that’s not a huge accomplishment; it doesn’t take much to make me cry. But seeing people walk in unison is apparently one of ‘em! I love how proud the families look, how much love is in the air. Most of all, it’s that feelin’ of endings and beginnings, sad and happy all at the same time that gets me. Love that!

I also enjoy the speeches, especially the ones where they say that sure, hard things are gonna happen, things won’t always go right, but it’ll all work out in the end. Or that you may be scared to do something, but don’t let that stop you. That you’ll learn more from your mistakes than your successes. I thought the valedictorian at Matthias’ graduation hit the nail on the head, though, when he said that the most important thing is to be content with your life. Smart kid. That’s a goal worth aimin’ for no matter what your age.

As I sit there in the noon day sun or the stuffy, overcrowded gym, I let Charlie wonder about how the hell we’re gonna get out of the parkin’ lot. I let the graduate’s parents worry about whether they bought enough hamburger rolls for the cookout, after. I let them all jostle each other to take the perfect photo of the exact moment the diploma is handed to their happy graduate. No, I just sit there on my foldin’ chair and pretend the speaker is talkin’ to me.

And sure, graduations makes me feel old. You know, remember when? But they also inspire me. They remind me that any kind of ending marks a new beginning. And I get a contact high from all that change-the-world-optimism. ‘Cause you don’t have to be eighteen to face your fears and do it anyways, to trust that somehow it’ll all work out.

Who knows what the future holds for Katie and Matthias? There’s a whole world of possibilities out there, just waitin’ for ‘em, and they got some pretty good advise to send them on their way.

Driving home, Charlie says to me, “Ida, that bit about being content. You can’t hear that one too much.” And we hold hands all the way home.

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

Ida's Podcast: Commencement

Hope to see you this summer!

Comin’ Up This Week:
June 27: Book Signing, Savoir Flare, 3:00-7:00pm, Berlin, NH
July 2: Book Reading, Belfast Free Library, 6:30pm
July 13: Signing and Featured Reader, Books in Boothbay, 11:30am-3:30pm, Boothbay Harbor, ME
July 14: Book Reading, Casco Public Library, 4:00pm
July 16: Book Reading, Rangeley Public Library, 6:00pm
July 20: Book Signing, Mooseville, 12:30-1:30pm, Farmington, ME
July 20: I Married an Alien!, Western Maine Storytelling Festival, 7:00pm, Farmington, ME
July 22: Book Reading, Huntington Common, 2:00pm (changed from 3:00), Kennebunk, ME
July 25: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You! Keynote Speech, DKG 2013 Northeast Regional Conference, Portland, ME
August 16: I Married an Alien!, Deertrees Theatre, 7:30pm, Harrison, ME
August 17: Islandport Authorfest, Book Signing with John Ford and Mark Ricketts, Kittery Trading Post, 11:00am-2:00pm, Kittery, ME
August 22: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose!, ACT ONE Festival 2013, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH
August 29: I Married an Alien!, ACT ONE Festival 2013, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH

For details, please check out the schedule page on my website: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule

Mowin' Fool

I gotta tell you, us folks in the neighborhood are getting concerned about Hank Plaistead. He’s not getting the “old-timers,” or nothin’. No, he’s just lovin’ his zero turn mower a little too much.

See, a couple of years ago, Hank’s wife, Pearl, bought him a zero turn. Hank had kind of been in a love-hate relationship with his old rider-mower for years, and frankly, Pearl was fed up with it. Seemed like the thing was broke more than it was workin’. Or Hank would get it stuck in the field out back. Said he mowed it to keep the bugs down, but really, I think it was just somethin’ to do. Once stuck, Pearl would have to pull him out with their little tractor. The Plaidsteads are both in their early eighties, so Pearl knew they were temptin’ fate with such shenanigans.

Pearl also knew she was the one who’d have to do somethin’ about it ‘cause, as the saying goes, Hank’s “so tight, he squeaks when he walks.” So God bless her, Pearl took some of the money she’d squirreled away and bought Hank a zero turn. Oh, he put up a fuss, of course, just for show, but once he got that baby home, Hank fell plum in love with that machine. And why not, turns on a dime, with power to spare.

As Hank said to my husband that first summer, “It’s turned me into a mowin’ fool, Charlie, a mowin’ fool!”

Which brings us to our current predicament. Hank has started mowin’ other peoples lawns. Just in our little neighborhood, you know, a friendly thing to do. We think it’s ‘cause he’s bored. Hank just can’t do all the heavy stuff he used to do in the yard. Plus, as a condition of getting’ the new machine, Pearl laid down the law about him tryin’ to mow the back forty. So, what does that leave? Their yard, which he can zip through in about twenty minutes. Heck, he’s just getting started. Why not keep goin’? He’s like a teenager cruisin’ for trouble in his new hot-rod.

Usually Hank’s one of those guys in a truck that nods his head a tad (you have to watch for it) and lifts a couple of fingers off the wheel in a kind of half wave. But when he’s behind the wheel of that zero turn, Hank’s goin’ too fast for pleasantries. In fact, when he’s mowin’, most of us hug the other side of the street, just to be safe.

Now, you’d think comin’ home and findin’ your lawn mowed would be a good thing, but men can be particular about how this chore should be done. Heck, I’m that way about house cleanin.’ It’s my way or the highway, buster!

Truth is, Hank’s more into speed than precision. All of a sudden, he’s clipped your favorite perennial, or demo-ed your decorative border. Plus, as Charlie says, “He’s got that darn thing set on crew cut! It’s just too low, and it’s killin’ the lawn. Clumps of grass everywhere, brownin’ out. What a mess.”

The men muttered and complained for awhile, then Charlie was drafted to say somethin’ to him about it. He had to talk to Hank about the neighborhood bonfire anyways, but still, Charlie had to get psyched up to do it. Didn’t want to hurt to old fella’s feelings.

But you know what? Hank was fine with it. “No problem, Charlie! We aim to please. I’ll raise ‘er up, then go over it with my sweeper to pick up the clippings. That should take care of it.”

“And you’re gonna try to be a little more careful around the neighbors plants and stuff, right?”

“I’ll try, Charlie. But that baby’s got so much power, it’s gonna be hard to tame her.”

“I’m sure you’re up for the task, Hank.”

“Yes, yes sir-eee bob, or die trying ‘cause I’m a mowin’ fool, Charlie, a mowin’ fool.”

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA's PODCAST: Mowin' Fool

Comin’ Up This Summer:
June 27: Book Signing, Savoir Flare, 3:00-7:00pm, Berlin, NH
July 2: Book Reading, Belfast Free Library, 6:30pm
July 13: Signing and Featured Reader, Books in Boothbay, 11:30am-3:30pm, Boothbay Harbor, ME
July 14: Book Reading, Casco Public Library, 4:00pm
July 16: Book Reading, Rangeley Public Library, 6:00pm
July 20: Book Signing, Mooseville, 12:30-1:30pm, Farmington, ME
July 20: I Married an Alien!, Western Maine Storytelling Festival, 7:00pm, Farmington, ME
July 22: Book Reading, Huntington Common, 2:00pm (changed from 3:00), Kennebunk, ME
July 25: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You! Keynote Speech, DKG 2013 Northeast Regional Conference, Portland, ME
August 16: I Married an Alien!, Deertrees Theatre, 7:30pm, Harrison, ME
August 17: Islandport Authorfest, Book Signing with John Ford and Mark Ricketts, Kittery Trading Post, 11:00am-2:00pm, Kittery, ME
August 22: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose!, ACT ONE Festival 2013, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH
August 29: I Married an Alien!, ACT ONE Festival 2013, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH

For details, please check out the schedule page on my website: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule

Livin’ in a time warp!

I’m livin’ in a time warp! I kid you not. It’s like some crap episode of Star Trek, where time slows down when I wish it’d go faster, and speeds up when I want to linger. Here’s what I mean:

I’m getting my teeth cleaned, right? And the hygienist is doing that part where they poke around at your gums. I’m staring into the light just past her head, trying to go to my happy place. Instead, I’m sucked into this slow as molasses, grandfather clock, tick-tock, pick-poke zone thinkin’ is she ever gonna finish?

Or, I’m getting ready to go away for the weekend with Charlie. We’re gonna head down the coast for a second honeymoon, leave Friday, right after work. The big day arrives. I’ve set aside some time before my shift down to the A&P to pack. Well, things start off normal enough, but then the situation gets wonky. Every time I glance at the clock, it’s five, ten, fifteen minutes later than I think it should be. The closer it gets to when I have to leave, the quicker time’s flyin’ by. Finally, I reach the tippin’ point where I know there’s no way I’m gonna get it all done before I have to go to work. Which means a time crunch later, throwin’ my clothes and stuff all willy-nilly into my suitcase, then rushing around the house, pullin’ things together while Charlie waits in the car with the engine runnin’!

I don’t remember time ever bein’ like this in my twenties, thirties. Even forties. When I was a kid, sure. Time would speed up when I was playin’, or right before I had to go to bed, then slow down again when I was sitting in school waitin’ for the bell to ring. Or I’d be squirmin’ in the pew at church wonderin’ if we were gettin’ close to communion, ‘cause that meant mass was almost over.

But this speeding up and slowing down of time in my youth was a gentler, more reliable thing, almost like breathing. Expandin’ and contractin’, expandin’ and contractin’.

Now, time feels more like a slinky, unpredictable and undependable. One minute, I have a hold of it. The next, time’s tumblin’ down the stairs, end over end, pickin’ up speed, then slamming to a full stop at the bottom.

It’s that full stop that’s become more alluring the older I get. I can’t control the time warp, but I can accept and savor the pause: a nap, a cup of tea with the latest issue of the Oprah magazine. Takin’ a minute to scratch Scamp’s belly or kiss the top of Charlie’s head. The full stop is a gift. I’m not cursin’ time for goin’ too fast, or wishing it away ‘cause it’s goin’ so slow. I’m here lingerin’ in the pause, for as long as it lasts.

Bugger, look at the time! I gotta hurry up to get to work, so I can stand at register 3 starin’ at the clock as the minutes slowly tick-tock by. Beam me up, Scotty!

That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!

IDA's PODCAST: Livin' in a Time Warp

Comin’ Up This Summer:
June 27: Book Signing, Savoir Flare, 3:00-7:00pm, Berlin, NH
July 2: Book Reading, Belfast Free Library, 6:30pm
July 13: Signing and Featured Reader, Books in Boothbay, 11:30am-3:30pm, Boothbay Harbor, ME
July 14: Book Reading, Casco Public Library, 4:00pm
July 16: Book Reading, Rangeley Public Library, 6:00pm
July 20: I Married an Alien!, Western Maine Storytelling Festival, 7:00pm, Farmington, ME
July 22: Book Reading, Huntington Common, 3:00pm, Kennebunk, ME
July 25: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You! Keynote Speech, DKG 2013 Northeast Regional Conference, Portland, ME
August 16: I Married an Alien!, Deertrees Theatre, 7:30pm, Harrison, ME
August 17: Islandport Authorfest, Book Signing with John Ford and Mark Ricketts, Kittery Trading Post, 11:00am-2:00pm, Kittery, ME
August 22: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose!, ACT ONE Festival 2013, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH
August 29: I Married an Alien!, ACT ONE Festival 2013, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH

For details, please check out the schedule page on my website: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule/