I’ve been missing my mom a lot lately. Some of it has to do with the time of year. I mean, both her birthday and death day fall in October. But it’s more than that. My book launch was such a magical, happy day for me. Throughout it all, though, I kept thinking, My mom would have loved this. She’d have gotten all gussied up, and sat in the front row with my dad, the two of them beaming. She’d have persuaded her entire book group and fifty of her closest friends to buy the book, which she would have breezed through in one sitting, two max, book lover that she was. And God, I wish she could have been there!
I confessed this to my sister, Irene, at lunch the following week, and she said she’d been feelin’ the same way. “It was the strangest thing, Ida. All that day of the book launch, I felt so happy and proud, but kind of sad, too. What’s goin’ on, I’m thinkin’? Then I realized what it was. I was missin’ Mom.”
I guess it’s like that for any big event when you’ve lost someone. Missing is strange. I can go days or even weeks so caught up in my life, I’m not even consciously thinkin’ of my mom, then I see her handwriting on a recipe, and bang! Or I watch a little girl, all dolled up for her first day of school, holdin’ her mom’s hand, and I think, “I miss you.”
There’s that little pang of envy I feel, when I see my friend Rita scorin’ a piece of peanut butter pie for her mom, Cora, at the baked bean supper. Rita does this first (priorities in order) before loading up a plate of beans, American chop suey, a red hot dog, some coleslaw and a homemade biscuit. Cora’s holding court at her table, surrounded by her cronies when Rita delivers her slice of pie, and the two of them exchange a smile and a nod.
I don’t envy Shirley, though. Her mom, Mini, lives with her and Junior, well, in the mother-in-law apartment at their house. Mini probably won’t be there much longer, though, ‘cause she’s gonna need more care than Shirley can manage. Dementia, Alzheimers, Old Timers: don’t matter what you call it, it’s a tough finale for any family and a different kind of missin’. I mean, you miss ‘em, while they’re still here.
But, like I say, come the holiday season or when there’s a big event, it seems like the missin’ gets stronger. ‘Cause there’s always that empty place at the table, that space in the photo where my mother ought to be. There’s the tug at my heart when I think, You know, Mom would have loved this. There’s the taste of her cookin’, the smell of her perfume.
The night of my book launch, my mom wasn’t there, I know that. But she was. She is here. I see her in my sister’s smile, and in the twinkle in my dad’s eye as he says, “I’m so proud of you, honey.” I hear my mother’s voice in my head, encouraging me, sending me grace when I need it. And as I’m standin’ there at the podium that night, reading from my first book, when I reach out, it’s my mother’s hand that turns the page.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Ida/Susan in your neck of the woods!
Nothin’ going on this week, except catchin’ up on some house cleaning. But next week, I have a bunch of book readings comin’ up. Mark your calendars ‘cause I’ll be in Orono, Ellsworth and Lewiston.
OCTOBER 24:
Reading and Signing, "Finding Your Inner Moose"
1:00 p.m. at the Orono Public Library, 39 Pine St., Orono, ME
http://www.library.orono.org
207-866-5060
OCTOBER 24:
Reading and Signing, "Finding Your Inner Moose"
6:00 p.m. at the Franco-American Centre, Crossland Hall, University of Maine, Orono, ME
207-581-3791
OCTOBER 25:
Reading and Signing, "Finding Your Inner Moose"
6:00 p.m. at the Ellsworth Public Library, 20 State St., Ellsworth, ME
207-667-6363
OCTOBER 27:
Reading and Signing, "Finding Your Inner Moose"
1:00 p.m. at the Franco-American Collection, University of Southern Maine's Lewiston-Auburn College, 51 Westminster Street, Lewiston, ME
207-753-6545
I’ll be traveling around quite a bit in the next few months, so check back here each Monday for where I’ll be that week, or click on the “Where’s Ida” link to the left to see my full schedule.
If you’d like me to do a reading at your library, organization or what not, please don’t hesitate to drop me a line:
[email protected]
And if your book group wants to read Finding Your Inner Moose, I’d love to be part of the discussion. Especially if food’s involved!
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