A story collected at Sprucewood Emeritus Senior Living in Durham:
“I worked at the telephone company. Progressed upward through the ranks, and was introduced by my future father-in-law as his son’s fiancé, the call girl.”
“Be sure and go into the old meeting house. My mother’s in there; she’d love to meet you; she’s a hooker.” (As in rugs, I later learned).
What mother used to say:
“When I first met your father I loved him so much, I could have eaten him up. After 40 years of marriage, I wished to God I had.”
And for the pet owners among us, this story from Holly Bray:
“As it happens on working farms," Holly wrote, “it took a several months to get around to getting the ceiling fixed.” Here’s the story of why the ceiling needed fixing:
A Great Dane named Loren and a spunky Jack Russell, named Peanut, were an odd couple but inseparable. They spent their nights together in a two-car attached garage with an unfinished loft.
One night Peanut went up the stairs to the loft, followed by Loren. Curiosity struck Peanut and he poked his nose into the space between the first and second floor. Still curious, he crawled into the dark space snugly with insulation. Maybe he heard a mouse. Could have been.
The Great Dane had no intention of being left behind. And though the space between floors was a foot or less, she squeezed in behind her little buddy. She must have gone flat and wide.
The explorers had traveled about about 20 feet and were well into the kitchen area of the house, when the ceiling under the Great Dane gave way. Ceiling plaster and dog landed together in a pile on the floor.
Peanut escaped the crash and remained between floors.
The next morning, the man of the house couldn’t figure out why Loren, who’d been locked in the garage the night before, was sleeping on the couch. He was also puzzled by the debris on the kitchen floor, until Peanut barked and he spotted the little dog peering down through the substantial, dog-shaped hole in the ceiling.
Side note: Despite his fall, Loren was unhurt, and the reunion of the two friends was a warm one.