Headed up to Laconia to tell stories to folks attending the Business Without Borders sponsored by the NH Division of Economic Development at Opechee Inn and Spa. I’m told there will be Canadians. So I’ve been racking my brain for stories about, you know, economics and development. Try to tailor my programs to the audience. (May I say it was a lot of fun, a few years back, to design a program for the New England Septage Haulers Association; The New England Association of Deer and Elk Farmers was also great fun; and of course, there were those Benedictine Monks -- just kidding about the Monks. Although, come to think of it, I did tell stories at a retirement home for nuns. Nuns, in my experience, love to laugh.)
Business stories, hmmm? How about this one?
The farmer was out plowing his field when his big bay hoss dropped dead in the furrow -- something that hoss had never done before. (And would never do again.) Thinking quick, the farmer rode his other hoss five miles up the road to his neighbor’s house. “Charlie,” the farmer said, “how would you trade your white hoss for my big bay?”
Charlie said he’d trade even. And they shook on it.
“Well, Charlie,” the farmer said, “my big bay hoss lies dead in the furrow.”
Charlie says, “My white hoss died three weeks ago. And his skin is hanging in the barn.”
Or this one?
Linwood Rogers used to sell picnic tables out in front of his house on the Shaker Road in Canterbury. This was a while back -- the tables sold for $16 each.
Fella stopped by in a pickup truck. He says, “How long does it take you to build one of those $16 picnic tables, Linwood?”
Linwood says, “About four hours.”
Thinking quick, the fella says, “That’s about $4 an hour, isn’t it?”
Linwood agrees that it is.
Fella says, “Can you build me a picnic table for $3 an hour?”
Linwood says, “Sure, but it’ll take a little longer.”
Or maybe the true story (they’re all true, more or less) about the Maine potato farmer who walked into a greenhouse in Swansey Center, explained that his wife was feeling poorly and couldn’t accompany him on his trip to NH, so he wanted to bring her back a little something as a gift.
The proprietor showed him a beautiful big pot of blood red geraniums. “How much?” the farmer said.
“Seven dollars and ninety-five cents.”
“She ain’t that sick,” the farmer said. And bought a flat of petunias for $1.99.
Business stories, hmmm? How about this one?
The farmer was out plowing his field when his big bay hoss dropped dead in the furrow -- something that hoss had never done before. (And would never do again.) Thinking quick, the farmer rode his other hoss five miles up the road to his neighbor’s house. “Charlie,” the farmer said, “how would you trade your white hoss for my big bay?”
Charlie said he’d trade even. And they shook on it.
“Well, Charlie,” the farmer said, “my big bay hoss lies dead in the furrow.”
Charlie says, “My white hoss died three weeks ago. And his skin is hanging in the barn.”
Or this one?
Linwood Rogers used to sell picnic tables out in front of his house on the Shaker Road in Canterbury. This was a while back -- the tables sold for $16 each.
Fella stopped by in a pickup truck. He says, “How long does it take you to build one of those $16 picnic tables, Linwood?”
Linwood says, “About four hours.”
Thinking quick, the fella says, “That’s about $4 an hour, isn’t it?”
Linwood agrees that it is.
Fella says, “Can you build me a picnic table for $3 an hour?”
Linwood says, “Sure, but it’ll take a little longer.”
Or maybe the true story (they’re all true, more or less) about the Maine potato farmer who walked into a greenhouse in Swansey Center, explained that his wife was feeling poorly and couldn’t accompany him on his trip to NH, so he wanted to bring her back a little something as a gift.
The proprietor showed him a beautiful big pot of blood red geraniums. “How much?” the farmer said.
“Seven dollars and ninety-five cents.”
“She ain’t that sick,” the farmer said. And bought a flat of petunias for $1.99.
Becky, I read this (Linwood Rogers) yesterday about three times, and its one of those gems that just does not get old: the beauty is, you can hear and see someone saying this, straight faced,twinkle twinkle.
Showed it to my husband this morning and he chuckled all the way downstairs. You have a solid fan base here. =)
Posted by: Judy | December 18, 2012 at 08:46 AM
Hi Judy:
The Linwood story is one of my favorites. He is well remembered in the area. More than once, someone in the audience has said, "I knew Linwood -- and this sounds just like him." A true yankee character.
Becky
Posted by: Rebecca Rule | December 18, 2012 at 09:01 AM
one of our old timey neighbors invited us to come visit us some time back and he said, with a grin, 'we like to sit around making up old colorful Yankee phrases"...
And arent they wonderful at it.
Posted by: Judy | December 19, 2012 at 11:06 AM