The cream-filled Twinkie

Here’s another Bill Miskoe story. Thanks, Bill!

Carlton Frazer loves junk food. He was heading to South Barnstead to work one day, and along the way bought a hot dog, a soda and a pack of cream-filled Twinkies.

After consuming the dog and part of the soda, he opened the package of Twinkies. Three of them. Two regular sized, and one really big one. He selected the big one. This was a mistake. That Twinkie was entirely oversupplied with filling. He took a bite and the damn thing just exploded. Cream-filled Twinkie spurted everywhere – in his beard, down his neck, all over his shirt front and even drizzling onto his pants. 

And it was still going, like a cream volcano.

So out the truck window it went. 

Carlton started in on damage control. He used up the paper napkins, a couple of rags and a copy of The Suncook Valley Sun. Just about the time he thought he might be presentable enough for public viewing, he heard a siren and saw blue lights behind him. He stopped.

A police officer appeared at the truck’s window and asked for the usual bits of paper, which Carlton handed over.

After the customary delay, while the officer retired to his car and did whatever officers do to keep the motorists waiting for a few sweaty minutes, Carlton was asked to step out of his truck.

“Mr. Frazer, would you please come here and take look at this?”

Carlton looked.

The windshield of the police car was totally besplattered with Cream of Twinkie.

“Do you have a bucket?” the officer asked.

Carlton did. With water from a nearby brook, the windshield was cleaned and Carlton went on his merry way. The officer admitted that this was the funniest thing that ever happened to him on patrol. 

Good thing for Carlton he had a sense of humor.