Today’s the day, people: the official cut off for Christmas decorations. And none too soon.
Why a couple of weekends ago, Charlie and me were drivin’ home from the Brew Ha Ha, and I became a little irritated.
“Would you look at that?” I asked.
“What?” Charlie replied.
“All these Christmas decoration everywhere. It’s the middle of January, for God’s sake!”
“You say that every year. Besides, technically they have ‘til Groundhog Day.”
“I know, but the real Christmas-y stuff should come down sooner, in my opinion. Like look at that place there. It’s just not right.”
Charlie pulls over in front of the house in question.
“What are you doing, Charlie?”
“Why don’t you leave ‘em a note? I think I got some paper in the glove compartment. You know, a little neighborly notice.”
“Very funny, mister man.” Charlie was just teasin’, but I’m thinking, Oh, if only I could.
But now the day is finally here, and frankly, I’m hopin’ you took care of business before the blizzard, you know, when you could still get your ladder out and use it, no problem. To heck with buying milk and getting gas. Time to 86 the decorations. Your plastic Santa? The one lit from within by the spirit of Christmas? Give him a rest. And it goes without sayin’ (but I’ll say it anyway): we are totally over the inflatable snow globes, the Grinch, that penguin village at the North Pole. And your crèche? Forget about it! Time for the baby Jesus to go bye-bye. You know, so he can get ready for Easter!
Now, I’m willin’ to cut you a little slack here and there. Wreaths are okay ‘til Valentine’s Day (providin’ they’re in good shape), as long as the bow is not too Christmas-y. Me? I’d rather see no bow than one of them bright red bows. They just scream “Deck the Halls,” don’t they? I’m also good with your Victorian kids skating, snowman imagery and displays of old snowshoes, sleds and toboggans. Again, minus the red bows.
Lights? Now this is a tricky category. I can go the distance with some looks, but not others. I say, nix the multi-colored lights and single lights in your windows. White lights are on a case by case basis. Generally, lights outlinin’ a house (I don’t care what color they are): that’s just too Christmas-y. I’m fond of the icicle lights and lights in trees as long as they’re done nice. There’s a tree at the end of our street, looks like the guy just threw ‘em up and walked away: that bad. It’s an eyesore, I’ll tell you. He really does deserve a “neighborly notice,” but I’ll refrain. For now!
Now, if for some reason you waited even though the storm of the century was coming, be at the ready if we get a warm snap. I’m beggin’ you! Get out there and take down those lights and wreaths. You don’t want the snow to do a number on your stuff (and my nerves.) Once the snow finally starts to melt, we don’t want any reminders of winter, and Christmas screams winter No, by then our heads will be filled with visions of crocuses, forsythia and leavin’ the house without sixteen layers of clothin’ on.
This has been a public service announcement. I hope it was helpful. And happy Ground Hog Day, folks! Be safe and stay warm.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Upcoming Shows and Book Events
February 6-8: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You, Garrison Players, Friday & Saturday at 8:00 p.m. and Sunday at 3:00 p.m., Rollinsford, NH
March 12: Catching Up With Ida, Cumberland County Retired Educators, 1:00 p.m., Portland, ME
March 28 & 29: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You, The Footlights, Saturday at 7:30 p.m. & Sunday at 2:00 p.m., Falmouth, ME
May 26: Book Reading Finding Your Inner Moose, Old Town Public Library, 11:00 a.m., Old Town, ME
For a good time, call Ida! I love entertaining groups, small and large! The following are wicked fun for after lunch, after dinner, rewards banquets, keynote speeches and what not.