We’re coming down the home stretch now, and none too soon. Being under the weather put me behind the eight ball on my holiday to do list. That makes me stressed out, and when I get that way, real food stops appealing to me. I just want to eat sugary stuff. That is a recipe for disaster, as my husband Charlie so nicely let me know in this lovely poem about the joy of the holiday season.
Just Get Outta Her Way
Now that the lights are on the house
My concern is for my spouse
‘Cause every Christmas, it repeats:
“Over committed, too many sweets”
Last weekend, Ida was the star
Of St. Hyacinth’s Church Bazaar
But all that happiness turned to sludge
When she OD’ed on Holy Fudge
(Sister G’s penuche)
“Charlie! Move your butt, OK?
Find wherever you’re sitting and stay
The girls are coming for lunch today, so
Just get outta my way”
As Mrs. Claus, she tried her best
At our Down Home Holiday Fest
But too much candy made her cranky
Now she can’t fit in her spanky
A cookie swap is coming soon
And something else this afternoon
She’s busy as hell, for no good reason
Ah, the joy of the Christmas season!
“Charlie, move! Don’t delay
You wanna be covered in cleaning spray?
My list is full of stuff, today, so
Just get outta my way”
Christmas dinner’s drawing near
And guess who’s hosting it this year?
We get through that, she’ll say “amen”
If she doesn’t melt down by then
“Charlie! What did I say? Don’t you have
Places to go in your sleigh? You can
Use the bathroom, but don’t delay
Just get outta my way, OK?
Just get outta my way
Come on, Scamp
Why don’t we go for a walk?
We can’t hear her balk if we vamoose
Come on, boy
Let’s disappear for a spell
If we’re gone longer, well, what can I say?
We wanted to just get outta her way
So, my tips for the coming week? (And I’m saying this ‘cause I need to hear it.) Wear something that makes you smile when you look in the mirror. Every time you see a Salvation Army bell ringer, put a dollar in the bucket. Give blood. It’s an easy way to help someone and costs nothing but a little of your time. And sure, bring food down to the senior center (or wherever). You can’t go wrong with that.
And when you start feeling the “bah humbugs” creeping in, take a minute to remember what Christmas was like when you were a kid. You know, way back in the early Paleozoic, when dinosaurs ruled the earth and there was so much snow, it came up to your neck! And you knew the best place ever to go sledding. And were positive you heard sleigh bells on the roof last night. Absolutely positive! Are you smiling yet?
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!