On Saturday, Celeste, Rita, Betty, Dot, Shirley and me (a.k.a. the Women Who Run With the Moose) went to see that new movie, “Les Misérables.” And you know what? They don’t call it that for nothin’!
I confess, it was my bright idea. I says to the girls, “Hey, it’s a musical with a high hunk factor! I mean, Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe! How bad could it be?”
Well, turns out, pretty bad. Let’s start with the fact that it’s a poor personal hygiene movie. There should be a ratin’ for that. To heck with the G, PG13, R stuff. Give me at least some hint that everyone in the movie is gonna look like they smell bad. That the houses are gonna look like they smell bad. That there’s gonna be a whole scene where Hugh Jackman carries a guy through the sewer. It’s a good thing I had that movie-sized box of Junior Mints to calm down my tummy, ‘cause let me tell you, I was gettin’ a little queasy.
OK, so the hunkiness is pretty much down to zero without the aid of a bath, a tooth brush, some mouthwash and deodorant. Then you add questionable facial hair and more than one bad hairdo (Hugh sports three, at least), and we’re talkin’ a hunk factor of minus ten!
And the whole movie is murky. Brown and dark, even when it’s daytime. Why? ‘Cause it’s usually rainin’. The brightest thing is Anne Hathaway’s skin. That is, before she sells her hair and her back teeth, and then becomes a prostitute. I kept wondering, why would you do it in that order? I mean, if she was gonna become a prostitute anyway, why not try to look her best, so she could make a little more money? Didn’t make sense to me.
But I have to say, in a movie where everyone is singin’ and cryin’ and dyin’ (all at the same time), Anne knocks it outta the park with her big number. Even Shirley woke up for that one.
I guess we should have studied up on the plot. But shouldn’t you be able to get it from the movie itself? So, from what I can tell, it takes place in France after the Revolution, but I guess that didn’t solve anything. The people are still poor. They still don’t have enough to eat. So what do they do? They bust up their furniture and make a barricade. You’d think they’d just storm a bakery and a butcher shop, but I guess they’re too afraid to do that, ‘cause stealin’ a loaf of bread is about the worst thing you can do. Hugh Jackman learns this the hard way, and Russell Crowe won’t let him forget it. With all this life and death stuff goin’ on, the young folk do what they do best: fallin’ in love at first sight, or fallin’ in love with love or in love with the revolution, you name it. And boy, do they sing, swoon and cry up a storm. For almost three hours!
OK, spoiler alert. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) To be honest, it was kind of a relief when Russell Crowe kills himself after singin’ a long song while walkin’ on top of a dam. Frankly, a short suicide note would have done the trick. And it was more than a little surprising when Hugh Jackman died in a convent, but kept on singin’ and cryin’ anyway with Anne Hathaway, who I thought was dead. I don’t know.
Frankly, me and the girls were happy to get out of the theater and into a clear, crisp winter day. It may have been only 15 degrees, but the sun was shinin’ and we were back in Maine, the way life should be. Throw in some attitude adjustment over to Bugaboo Creek (Moose Juice and an onion blossom, anyone?) and off we went back to good ol’ Mahoosuc Mills, where people hardly ever sing and cry and die (at the same time, anyway). Hey, we even made up our own little ditty on the way home:
In “Les Misérables,” everyone stunk
Singin’ and cryin’ and dyin’, kerplunk!
What a great bunch of gals!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Start an "Unloose Your Inner Moose" Book Group
Twelve Chapters-twelve months-lots of fun and easy tips for "Livin' the Good Life". Just try one thing from one chapter a month, and by the end of the year, you'll be surprised at how your good life has gotten even better. Do it yourself, with a buddy or with a group.
Upcoming Book Events and Performances:
Portsmouth Public Library
(snow date January 22)
Patten Free Library
(snow date January 30)
I Married an Alien!
Friday & Saturday @ 8:00 p.m.
Sunday @ 3:00 p.m.
If you’d like me to do a reading at your library, organization or what not, please don’t hesitate to drop me a line:
And if your book group wants to read Finding Your Inner Moose, I’d love to be part of the discussion. Especially if food’s involved!