Here’s one that got my attention: "My wife doesn't think I'm sexy anymore. What do I do, Ida?"
My first thought is, Who do I look like, Dr. Ruth? I’m short, but not that short!
After a sec, I says, “A man vacuumin’, now that’s sexy.” Am I right, ladies? A man snoring in his Barcalounger? Not so much.
I was just jokin’ around, of course, but the core of my answer is true. Fellas, for us gals, time, attention and affection are key. You want to get your sexy back? Kiss your wife hello and goodbye for a week. Give it a try. I dare you. While you’re at it, thank her for doing the things she does every day, like the dishes or cleanin’ the bathroom. Don’t make a big deal about it, just do it, and watch what happens.
Oh, this is a big one: if she’s spent time makin’ a meal or getting’ dressed up, compliment her. It don’t matter if you feel she’s missed the mark; you’re rewardin’ effort, not outcome. It took Charlie years to come ‘round to this. It’s about letting her know you appreciate her. Are you sensin’ a theme, here?
And guys, if your wife hugs you, never, ever break the hug first. She’s doing it for a reason. You don’t have to know what that reason is (and you probably don’t want to know), but just hang in there those extra few seconds. Believe me, it’s more important than getting down to the transfer station or whatever. You can’t go wrong with this one.
Or how ‘bout this? Ask her out on a date. (And goin’ to get a moose lottery ticket doesn’t count.) Heck, you knew how to do this when you were young and motivated, right? So it can’t be that hard. Here’s a good opener, “Honey, is that Meryl Steep, Tommy Lee Jones movie still playin’?” That’ll get her attention. Then keep going: “How about we take a spin down to Bangor, have supper at the Olive Garden, and then take in the flick?” You cap an evenin’ like that off with a little detour to the DQ (without her havin’ to ask) to pick up a couple of Peanut Buster Parfaits, and you got it made, Mister!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
P.S. For those of you followin’ last week’s blog, our third gas dryer conversion kit arrived yesterday, Jeff from Mahoosuc Gas & Oil installed it, and well, three’s the charm! Actually, the parts company sent just about every option they had to be safe. I’ve been washing and drying sheets and towels in my new laundry center all day. In fact, the sound of that dryer’s makin’ me so happy, Charlie just may get lucky tonight!
Ida/Susan in your neck of the woods!
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12: "Finding Your Inner Moose" Reading and Book Signing
4 - 6 p.m. at Maine Coast Book Shop, 158 Main St., Damariscotta, ME
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13: "Finding Your Inner Moose" Reading and Book Signing
2:00 p.m. at Beyond the Sea, 74 Main St., Belfast, ME
I’ll be traveling around quite a bit in the next few months, so check back here each Monday for where I’ll be that week, or click on the “Where’s Ida” link to the left to see my full schedule.
If you’d like me to do a reading at your library, organization or what not, please don’t hesitate to drop me a line:
And if your book group wants to read Finding Your Inner Moose, I’d love to be part of the discussion. Especially if food’s involved!